I suppose there are certain memories in life that are worth remembering.

I have never really given much thought to a blog. It is upon Rachael's suggestion that I have started to entertain the idea. So, I would like to apologize in advance for my usage of only basic grammar, spelling mistakes, and run on sentences.

As many of my friends and family members have noticed, weird shit happens to me on a semi-regular basis. Actually, sometimes wierd might not even be an adequate qualifier.

For example... a few days after I had just had a biopsy on a tumor in my chest my friend decided it was high time that we go out to celebrate. As we were heading to Annapolis, she tells me "Kathleen, tonight we are going to find you A MAN!" That should have been my first red flag. I understand that I am one of the only single ones in my group of friends and that this fact is made pretty obvious when I go out with this particular friend. She is a Grade A wingwoman, I'll give her that much, but usually the guys she sends my way seem to be a bit off (as in quite possibly former convicts or psychopaths). Anyway, this night was nothing different. So we get to this bar, Armadillos, which is notorious for being flooded with midshipmen from the naval academy. Granted that those boys are a pretty handsome bunch, they aren't without their... peculiarities.

She is one of those super friendly types that talks to everyone she sees. So as soon as we walked in she was striking up conversations left and right. She was having a girls night away from her boyfriend. She found this cute guy named Shane right away and it was pretty obvious that they were into each other.

I was playing my usual role of wallflower when all of the sudden this overtly intoxicated dude in a cardigan and berkenstocks approaches me. Apparently, he is Shane's friend Collin and they both go to the academy. His opening line is something like "Wow you are an awful dancer.... I like to make women feel inferior to me. What do you say we go to the mens room and see if we are sexually compatible?" REALLY? How romantic! This is just what every girl dreams of... having sex in a fucking urinal. Where do I even begin with this one? But it gets better....

I laugh it off and pretend that I didn't hear what he said and walk away. This bitch follows me to the bar. Then he says "Oh come on baby! Help me out! I just got shot and I am just starting to get back to my life. Help a man out!" I look at him like Yo! WTF! But, at this point I am curious. The dude said he got shot. So I asked "Who shot you?" This dude, lifts his foot up on the bar stool and shows me a legit bullet hole scar in his knee. Then he says "My ex-girlfriend's cocaine dealer shot me in the leg."

I can only imagine what my face looked like at this point. This dude keeps harassing me to give him fallacio in a urinal and then he shows me a bullet hole from a drug deal gone bad in his leg? WHAT?

At this point I am desperately trying to signal to my friend that we needed to get the hell out of that bar. But alas, she is really hitting it off with Shane. I didn't want to be a cockblock. I really didn't. So I thought to myself, alright, I will take this one for the team. Things can't get any weirder than this. So I decide to move to another area of the bar.

Collin follows... Then Collin's friend, who we shall call Pauly D due to his likeness to the Jersey Shore Character, blocks my escape path. I AM DOOMED!!! Pauly D says (and I swear this is the first thing he said to me) "HEY! I am from Jersey!" No Shit ya damn guido! Your hair looks like you cut it with a lawn mower, you have on a shirt two sizes too small, you have weird tatoos that don't make any sense, and you have chest hairs all poking out. You fit the description buddy, no need to emphasize the obvious. Not wanting to seem rude I say "Oh really? I used to work in Newark!" NO LIE this bitch looks me in the face and says "NEWARK!! Thats where I met all my favorite prostitutes at!"

Perfect. Just Perfect. Cocaine/urinal sex man and prostitute boy. Ofcourse they have to be friends. That is an unstopable duo. They should have a tv show. Not to mention they are both enrolled at the Naval Academy, which boasts an acceptance rate lower than Princeton. These are the guys that will soon be officers in our Navy. BRAVO! BRAVO!

At this point I have no qualms about being a cock block. I needed to get the hell out. I went up to my girlfriend and said "HEY YOU! Get Shane and we are leaving! I don't care if he comes with us, but his crazy friends cannot!" She looks really confused, as does Shane but I don't have time to explain.

So this is the nature and calibur of crap that seems to happen to me. I text my friends when it happens and sometimes I wonder if they even believe me. I am quite notorious for sending random texts. So read on if you like. I will try to post the happenings of my life as they occur.

Im out!